Decoding Attachment Styles
I talk about the push and pull and the anxious spiral that so many of us have experienced in one or more relationships. I've had my share of these experiences and I learned to heal my anxious attachment.
On this podcast I share everything I know from text books, to observations and my personal research on the topic as I live and breathe it.
As a kid, I got into trouble for asking why questions. It was considered rude to question an adult but I always wanted the reasoning behind what was being asked or expected me, and how the world and the people in it worked. It's helped me over the decades pick up some interesting things about people with different attachment styles.
The first thing I noticed was - and this is how I imagined it - everyone got a script on how to be for their own survival. And there are four scripts - Anxious, Dismissive and Fearful avoidant, and the Secure attached.
There is a particular way they behave, interact, speak, solve problems, write a text, walk, sit, eat, gain success or never do...and when you see it you won't be able to unseen it.
I'm sharing everything I know and if you find this topic fascinating, or you just need to understand why your partner, parent, sibling, friend or whomever act in ways you just can't understand - welcome.
Decoding Attachment Styles
Breaking the Protest-Withdrawal Cycle Between Anxious-Avoidant Dynamic
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
Social media will tell you that anxious-avoidant relationships are doomed. That avoidants are narcissists. That anxious people are just codependent. I'm here to tell you that's oversimplified BS that keeps people stuck.
In this episode, I'm breaking down the anxious-avoidant dynamic with the nuance it actually deserves. After healing my own anxious attachment and being in a relationship with someone who's fearful-avoidant and has been actively working in therapy for over three years, I've learned that this isn't about finding a villain - it's about two nervous systems trying to feel safe in completely different ways.
We're covering:
- The protest-withdrawal cycle: what it actually looks like and why it happens
- 4 damaging myths social media spreads about this dynamic (and why they're wrong)
- What secure attachment would actually do in these moments - not as theory, but as a real, usable framework
- How to hold both empathy AND boundaries at the same time
- The real questions to ask yourself if you're in this cycle right now
- Why "just stop chasing" and "just communicate better" aren't solutions -they're oversimplifications
This episode doesn't tell you to leave or stay. It gives you the tools to make that decision from a grounded, informed place. Because you deserve relationships that feel secure, and you're capable of creating that - but only if you're willing to do your own work.
Whether you're anxious, avoidant, or watching this pattern play out in your relationship, this one's for you.